DON’T Send These Mails: I Know I’m Late, But Here’s Why

Welcome to another installation of DON’T Send These Mails!

Today, we will draft mails to our manager explaining why we showed up late to work.

I mean we all make mistakes, don’t we? Our managers need to understand that we have responsibilities at home which we slack off on as well.

I’m not sure what I was trying to justify by saying that, but the show must go on!

Like always, it doesn’t hurt to be a little creative with your excuses genuine reasons, so lets…

Oh it looks like my manager has beat me to the chase with this one.

Hi TCT,

You’ve been showing up late for the past couple of days.
A gap of 5-10 minutes is acceptable, but anything beyond that requires a proper explanation – especially when it happens regularly.

Kind Regards,
Manager

It’s been a while since I’ve drafted mails so it might take a while before any of my writing starts making sense.

All that sleeping in must has taken its toll on my writing but I’ll be the last to admit it.

Hi Manager,

Growing up, I was abused at home.
My parents wouldn’t let me leave the house until I finished my plate so I started sleeping in to skip breakfast.
But then my parents would force me to eat more during lunch to make up for skipping out on breakfast so I’m not really sure where I was headed with this brilliant plan of mine.
The abuse continued until I moved out of my parent’s house (right after finishing lunch) and now I can’t seem to wake up on time.

Kind Regards,
TCT

My mother put veggies on my plate three times a day, and it never failed to make my blood boil.

“It’s good for you TCT, it will make you strong and healthy.”

Says who?

Ya’ know how many pesticides go into those things? Why do you think veggies are “green”?

It’s the pesticides that make them green!

If it can kill pests, it can kill you too!

Hi TCT,

I’m sorry to hear that.
I mean, there are children starving down in Africa, but its nothing compared to the trauma you had to endure.
Now please provide a reasonable explanation for showing up late and we can wrap this up quickly.

Kind Regards,
Manager

Well, that didn’t work.

Guess I’ll have to become a little more creative with this.

Hi Manager,

Growing up, I had a dog named Ben.
I loved Ben, but my parents didn’t want him inside the house.
Ben was always on his best behavior so I never understood why my parents made such a big deal about it. It’s not like he dirtied the house, in fact he ate all the veggies I tossed into his bowl.
Then one day, Ben ran away.
I was alone again and I had no one to share my breakfast with…so I got depressed and started sleeping in and now I can’t wake up on time.

Kind Regards,
TCT
This is usually how he behaves after I empty my plate into his bowl, but I doubt that had anything to do with it.

I got a little emotional with that last one, and there is no shame in that.

It’s about time men opened themselves up to the entire spectrum of the human experience. Believe it or not, ladies love it when a man gets in touch with his femininity.

I usually get in touch with mine anytime I see an eight-legged freak crawl across the wall.

I also get in touch with whatever the hell I can to hurl it at the devil’s spawn before the cops come in and arrest me for attempted arson.

The road to hell is paved with spiderwebs.

Hi TCT,

That is not a valid excuse.
At the very least, make your excuse somewhat believable.

Kind Regards,
Manager

Somewhat believable eh?

Then how about this:

Hi Manager,

Ok, so this is what happened – I woke up early.
No really I did, but on my way to work I came across a dog that looked familiar to the one I had growing up so I went to have a closer look.
The dog must have felt the same way because it couldn’t keep its eyes off me. It started barking when I got closer, but I know he’s just playing hard to get.
It somehow got loose, and started running towards me. Even its owner was getting jealous, telling me to “RUN AWAY IT HASN’T RECEIVED ITS RABIES SHOT YET”.
I did what any other dog lover would do, which was to Usain Bolt my way outta there, and that is why I showed up late to work.

Kind Regards,
TCT

That dog sure as hell wasn’t my best friend today.

Or maybe he was some other man’s best friend, and wasn’t in the mood to add another bestie to the pack.

Hi TCT,


If a dog chased you here, then wouldn’t you have arrived earlier?
You know, what, just forget it.
I’ll give you one more chance, and if you give me another one of your “creative” excuses, then I might also have to get a little creative with the mail I’ll be drafting to the HR.

Kind Regards,
Manager

Yikes, someone’s in a bad mood.

Guess I’d better give him what he wants, before he puts me on the guillotine.

Hi Manager,

I’ve recently started gaming online – and it’s not the sort of gaming you are familiar with.
Automation Anywhere had introduced some pretty amazing RPA challenges, and I’ve been trying to come up with creative ways of solving them.
I was promised a Bot Swag on completing the challenges but it never arrived. Just kidding, I was one of the first to receive it.
If anything, Automation Anywhere is to blame for getting me addicted to Bot Games.

Kind Regards,
TCT

Hehehe.

I just don’t know when to stop.

Ok, now I do.

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